During a recent guest appearance on “The Bossticks” podcast, hosted by entrepreneurs Lauryn Bosstick and Michael Bosstick, actress Valerie Bertinelli opened up about her highly publicized marriage to the late Eddie Van Halen. Sharing her perspective on their chaotic early years and their eventual reconciliation as close friends, she detailed the heavy toll that substance abuse and unresolved trauma took on their relationship.
The couple, who share 35-year-old musician Wolfgang Van Halen, tied the knot when they were both in their early twenties. Looking back on the whirlwind of the 1980s, Valerie Bertinelli admitted that their rock and roll lifestyle was entirely unsustainable.
“I met [Ed] when I was 20. And he was 25. We grew up together. We got married far too young, but I don’t know how else we would’ve done it. Our lives were insane. We waited 10 years to have Wolfie. We went through a lot in those 10 years — basically the ’80s, which I don’t remember too much of, between the dr*gs and the alcohol. It was fun. You know what? I’m not gonna lie, it was a lot of fun. But I would not do it again. I’ve done it. I don’t need to do it anymore,” she said (as transcribed by Blabbermouth).
When host Michael Bosstick asked how the famous couple managed their marriage under the intense spotlight of that era, she bluntly confessed that things frequently fell apart. Both were heavily self-medicating to avoid dealing with deep-rooted personal issues, particularly the severe childhood trauma experienced by the Van Halen guitar legend.
“Oh, it went off the rails all the time. We were both doing dr*gs. We were both drinking far too much. And then I stopped drinking and doing dr*gs. I stopped doing dr*gs; I was still drinking. And he kept doing the dr*gs,” she explained.
“And I was, like, ‘You gotta go to rehab.’ And it’s just, like, who am I to… whatever,” she continued. “But neither one of us dealt with any of our traumas that we were much closer to then. And he went through a very traumatic childhood. So, as long as we’re not dealing with those, we’re gonna use dr*gs and alcohol, and for me it was also food, to numb any feelings we just didn’t feel like feeling, ’cause we didn’t wanna hear the information, ’cause it was too painful.”
Despite the painful divorce, the two eventually found common ground. They even attended family therapy sessions together for over a year alongside Wolfgang Van Halen to ensure their son’s voice was heard. As time passed, the lingering anger faded into a profound, unconditional friendship.
She continued: “So now that I know all this, I feel like, and near the end of his life, I could be much more compassionate. Because first of all, I love him dearly. And this is to not say anything against his second wife or my second husband. I just love the father of my son that I knew since I was 20. I knew that we would never be intimate again, even had he lived, but he would always be one of my dearest friends, ’cause he’s just — he was Ed. He was just a huge part of my life… And I would much rather feel this way about Wolfie‘s father than I would hating him…”
This enduring bond was also a central theme in her recently published cookbook, “Indulge.” In one of the book’s essays, she wrote that she and Eddie Van Halen never truly stopped loving each other, adding that “if not for cancer, we might have had a second wind.” However, she later clarified to USA Today that this was merely a “wistful fantasy,” rather than a genuine romantic desire.
She said at the time: “The love that Ed and I shared − and we did come to a very wonderful place at the end of his life − was our unconditional love for our son [Wolfgang Van Halen]. My son was losing his father, I was in a relationship that was terribly wrong for me, and I was holding on to some sort of lifeline because of the years I had with Ed. I was madly in love with him when I met him, but our love changed. He felt like a big brother to me that I just wanted the best for by the time he got very sick. All I wanted to do was make it okay for Ed, make it okay for Wolfie.”
