Dave Mustaine discussed his cancer treatment and memory loss in a fan Q&A ahead of his memoir “In My Darkest Hour“, out September 8.
Dave Mustaine took questions from readers on “TalkShopLive” on Friday about “In My Darkest Hour“, the memoir arriving on September 8 through Da Capo, an imprint of Grand Central Publishing.
The book, written with Joe Layden, covers the period from his 2019 diagnosis with squamous cell carcinoma at the back of his tongue through treatment and remission, and the making of Megadeth‘s sixteenth album The Sick, The Dying … And The Dead!, released in 2022. It is his third memoir, following “Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir” in 2010 and “Rust In Peace” in 2020.
Asked whether the illness had moved him toward a more spiritual outlook, the 64-year-old said (as transcribed by Blabbermouth): “Nah. I was pretty set spiritually before this all happened, and a lot of the people that have suggested stuff online, a lot of them were really wonderful people. So, it was great to see like-minded people, people that were willing to send positive thoughts and feelings my way. But I have to remember my whole thing — God wanting me to be healed — and that that was it. He said that was gonna happen, and I got healed.”
On what kept him working through treatment, he pointed to the studio and, in passing, to the band’s turmoil at the time.
He replied: “Great bandmates. A really professional co-producer. We had a really great thing working. Unfortunately, we had the drama that was going on in an area of the band that has been resolved, and we don’t usually bring it up very much just because it’s an ugly chapter, and I don’t think anybody wants to talk about it. So, it was mainly focusing on the music, which was such a great thing to go in and do a musical offering to our fans, and to focus on the music instead of all this just crap with people trying to get drama out of bands that they love.”
The chapter he refers to is the departure of longtime bassist David Ellefson, who left Megadeth in May 2021 after sexually explicit messages and video footage involving him were circulated online.
Regarding the support from his bandmates, Mustaine singled out drummer Dirk Verbeuren and described the effect on Kiko Loureiro, then the band’s guitarist.
“Yeah. Dirk was great. He was wonderful,” he continued. “[Current Megadeth guitarist] Teemu [Mäntysaari] wasn’t in the picture yet. [Then-Megadeth guitarist] Kiko [Loureiro] was very helpful, but I think he was very uncomfortable, and that he was more or less a little bit afraid of what was gonna happen, because here’s this guy that he just met that he really looks up to, and we’ve become friends, and the next thing you know, I’m looking like I’m gonna die on the outside. So, yeah, Dirk was very supportive, and so was my son and my wife. My daughter was also scared a lot too, so I think everybody dealt with it their own way. And we talk about that in the book. Each one of the people that were part of the book, they were asked to share their experience with everything, and I think it turned out really great to have all those different outlooks towards it.”
He said the reason for writing it was the people who will not have what he had.
“I personally adore my fans. I did not want them to get as sad as I saw them get. And I was really happy to be able to say that I was in remission once the doctor told me that in October [of 2019],” he added.
Mustaine explained: “You never really know with some of these things that happen in your life, the extent of what the treatment’s gonna entail. I had a lot of hope, and I had a lot of people praying for me, a lot of people sending me positive thoughts and stuff. I had money to get good treatment. I was living in an area where the doctors were fantastic. And not everybody’s gonna have that same opportunity. So, I wanted to make sure that I was available to tell my story and share that story of hope. ‘Cause even if you do have access to all that stuff, you’re still afraid. You don’t know what’s going on. And you’re gonna go put your head into a machine that’s meant to f**king kill you.”
On the treatment itself: “A lot of it I don’t remember. That was one of the terrible things that comes along with when you do radiation and chemotherapy. It’s called chemo brain, where your brain is, as is your entire body, is being attacked, and your body’s dying. So, it was mentally a complete mindf**k to go into some place and to willingly say, ‘Okay, kill me. Kill me a little more today.’ It was very terrifying.”
He had described the same difficulty to Finland’s Chaoszine in June, when asked whether the book had been hard to write.
“Well, some of it, it was difficult — not emotionally, but because I just had a hard time remembering a lot of the details. Chemotherapy has a terrible effect on your memory. It even actually has a name — the syndrome is called ‘chemo brain’. When I first went through all my treatment, I was having the hardest time remembering s**t, and it was really affecting me, because I had a mother-in-law that just passed away from Alzheimer’s. And I know that Alzheimer’s and dementia is rampant in the world right now, and I didn’t wanna go out that way. So, having issues with your memory, that’s scary stuff, man. Your voluntary muscles are one thing, but the involuntary muscles, like breathing — when you forget to breathe, you die,” he said at the time.
Asked in that same interview whether the book was written by the musician or the man, he replied: “It’s about me, the person, Dave. But the music part about it is such a critical part of who I am. It’s not what I am; it’s what I do. But, yeah, the book is about me, the person, and what it was like. It was tough. It was really tough. I don’t know if people are gonna get all choked up over it, but I hope that for some people that it gives them hope, people who may be diagnosed with that kind of illness. It always feels good to know that somebody else went through what you’re going through, and they were victorious.”
Mustaine‘s statement when the book was announced: “One of the most harrowing experiences of my adult life has been my seven-year journey through cancer treatment and onward into remission. This story is considerably more than just, ‘Go to the doctor, get diagnosed, get treatment and hopefully I live happily ever after.’ This was a journey of me saving myself, staying alive, keeping my family together, and continuing to make music through it all.”
Ben Schafer, Da Capo‘s executive editor, said: “’In My Darkest Hour‘ is Dave Mustaine at his most revealing, vulnerable, and true. With lacerating honesty and soulful reflection, he speaks to the universal human experience of facing serious illness and how it changes a person, their family and friends, and one’s relationship with creativity.”
Official “In My Darkest Hour” book description, courtesy of Da Capo, is as follows:
“From King of Metal Dave Mustaine, a powerful reflection on the harsh truths and raw realizations that can only come from confronting death.”
“Dave Mustaine is no stranger to pain and suffering. He battled demons all his life — including an alcoholic father, addiction, and black magic — and turned fifty-eight believing he’d survived the worst. But in 2019, Mustaine was forced to face the loss of his instantly recognizable voice and the disintegration of his musical talent. Diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma at the back of his tongue, his entire career — and possibly his life — was about to end.”
“For Mustaine, it was one more opportunity to fight like hell.”
“‘In My Darkest Hour’ takes readers from the treatment room to the studio as Mustaine chronicles how his diagnosis inspired him to take up the pen and guitar pick, going from radiation and chemotherapy appointments straight into hours-long recording sessions, resulting in Megadeth‘s sixteenth studio album, The Sick, The Dying…And The Dead!. Along the way, Mustaine details how confronting his own mortality brought him closer to his family, taught him how to ask for help, strengthened his faith, and challenged the vulnerability of his art.”
“Filled with perseverance, hope, and the determination to never let the bastards grind you down, ‘In My Darkest Hour’ is a masterful portrait of a Dave Mustaine that the world has yet to see, and serves as a moving reminder that even our most invincible heroes are human.”
Layden, a New York Times journalist, also worked with Mustaine on the 2010 memoir and co-wrote Ace Frehley‘s No Regrets. His own books include “The Last Great Fight“, on James “Buster” Douglas‘s knockout of Mike Tyson in 1990.
The memoir arrives during the band’s final year. Megadeth‘s self-titled album, released in January through Tradecraft, entered the Billboard 200 at number one — the first chart-topping debut of their career, and reached number one in eleven countries and on seven further Billboard charts. Mustaine announced the band’s retirement in August last year, and their multi-year farewell tour is ongoing.
“Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir” reached number 15 on the New York Times hardcover nonfiction list on release in August 2010, published in the United States by HarperCollins’ It Books and in Britain as “Mustaine: A Life In Metal“.
