Jacoby Shaddix has never shied away from discussing his struggles with addiction, but during a recent appearance on the Dumb Blonde podcast, he offered an even deeper look into the spiritual transformation that reshaped his life.
Speaking with host Bunnie XO, wife of Jelly Roll, the Papa Roach frontman reflected on the turning point that came in early 2013. After years of heavy partying and what he described as a draining cycle of hurt and hangovers, Shaddix said he reached the end of himself — and that’s when faith entered the picture.
“I’ll tell you this: my faith walk, it’s been like a wrestling match. It started with my sobriety,” Shaddix said (as transcribed by Blabbermouth). “I started going to meetings and going to recovery houses and stuff like that. And they’re, like, ‘You need to find God or a God of your understanding.’ And it was a journey for me for years.
“I’ll tell you: the two things I never wanted to be in my life was sober and a Christian,” he continued. “And here I am now — a follower, a sober guy. But it was a rocky path to find that, and a lot of failure and a lot of questioning. Turning my will over to God and following and then taking it all back and then living my way and then repeatedly finding myself just in that deep dark hole. And when I finally put the bottle down and really, it was like that foxhole prayer, where I’m just, like, ‘God, do you just hear me? Can you hear me? I need a miraculous change. I need something beyond what I can do.’ ‘Cause I kept trying to control the change in my life. And it just — the walls fell.”
Shaddix explained that while recovery meetings first introduced him to the concept of faith, it took years of internal struggle before belief truly took root. A close friend helped guide him along the way, offering a living example of what a committed faith life looked like.
“I had a fellow that I was real close with that kind of walked my faith journey out with me, and I was very skeptical and very, like, ‘These church people are weird.’ And then when I saw this faith walk alive in front of me and somebody talking the talk and walking the walk, and I saw the transformation, it became alive to me,” Jacoby explained. “And I was less fearful of, ‘All right. I’ll try to believe.’ And then it became, like, I’m a full-blown believer now. I’m doing a bible study with a buddy of mine, and it’s tripping me out because I’m starting to experience different levels of freedom, of bondage of self. And things that maybe I once thought were acceptable in my life, now I’m, like, ‘Ah, man, that ain’t serving you, man. It’s not not working for you anymore. It’s hindering your growth. It’s messing up relationships. This is a little secret that you’re keeping back, tucked away over here.’ You know what I mean? And the more that I purge these things and turn it over and just walk in the light, I feel like it’s the way, it’s the path. ‘Cause I’ve tried the other way, the whole rock and roll [lifestyle].'”
Despite the profound change in his life, Shaddix admitted he was initially hesitant to share this chapter publicly, fearing it might not align with rock’s rebellious image: “I didn’t wanna share it with people, because I felt that it wasn’t edgy and it wasn’t rock and roll. And I’m, like, again, I’m not here to prove that I’m edgy and rock and roll. I’d done lived it and I saw where it was taking me. And then I watched the VH1 specials, like, for instance, of bands like, say, Aerosmith, and you hear this downward spiral and this just wreckage and the families falling apart. And I’m, like, I’m trying to like break that chain. I’m here trying to break that chain. I ain’t trying to repeat. ‘Cause the Shaddix family, where I’m from, my people, I come from a long line of alcoholics, cheaters, broken people, murderers, that type of lineage. So I’m, like, ‘That’s not who I am. That’s not why I’m here. That’s not me.'”
